When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize