I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have demons in me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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