were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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