why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize