I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
