So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
