Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize