Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
