We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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