those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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