I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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