i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize