Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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