Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I understand Curling. That high.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
this hospital has no fireball
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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