1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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