dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
