i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
