what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
