I could make wine with my vomit
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
