I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
