you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
