I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
