I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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