A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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