I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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