so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
