I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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