Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
