I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
