i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
