her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm too high and old for this...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
