Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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