Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
