I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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