Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
