Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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