Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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