i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize