Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
