she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
