Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize