You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
