I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize