dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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