Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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