a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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