one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
