You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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