I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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