I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
