you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
