you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
