Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
