...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
