Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
