Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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