the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
