Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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