I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
