either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
