so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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