His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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