All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
