hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
