So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
