So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we're so committed to being not committed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize