The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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