sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
