Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
