She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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